To step down or to go back up

Once the choice to decend into anything has been made, it is often possible to return to where one was initially. Unless it involves something deeper, more personal a choice than say going through the bedroom door and going back out. Certain things have thresholds that once crossed makes it impossible reverse, clothes worn can be changed at the last moment, meals ordered can be revised at one's convience and items bought can sometimes even be returned and exchanged for others and you may even get your money back.

Unfortunately the same cannot be said for matters dealing with those "cross-road-ish", life-changing decisions. a step taken in a direction can never be reversed, not entirely, as it leaves its mark on a person. Our choices indeed make us who we are. Is there such a thing as a good choice or a bad choice or are choices like luck, something neither good nor bad, just something present and needs to be accepted?

I long for a return to more uncomplicated times but don't we all? Do we not often remember our youth with a quiet smile accompanied by pleasant thoughts? Maybe not everyone feels the same yet it is undeniable that ignorance or should I say innocence is bliss. We mature so much that we are actually capable to making our own problems, we are so advanced and bored that we make difficult situations that only we can manage to solve. Not only is it a personal crisis, when we drag our dearest friends and family into it, we actually manage to spread the misery around.

I only wish for the strength to accept my decisions and live with my choices. I pray that I may stand ready to accept the consequences of my actions, to stand tall and to take it like a human being (or certain animals that nanage to stand on their hind legs for extended periods of time), standing up. I feel that at this moment time has stopped, i'm frozen in a picture or paused amidst a scene. The result of my actions will eventually come rushing towards me at stupendous speeds and they'll hit me like a frieght train on steroids but better that than to spend an etenity of indecision.

I would not return to the way it was even if I could. I know, with certainty, that there would be only one thing waiting for me there: The lonesome memory of the past.