Age old question...

For love or money?

The choice that has hounded millions since the dawn of time or one person had something another person wanted. Yet I'm not talking about relationships or marriage but careers. If people had a choice would they rather do a job they love doing or do something that pays more?

I suppose people have various reactions to it, some would choose to go for the money. A high paying job can afford financial stability, a certain amount of security and obviously alot of money but there's the fact that at the end of the day or in the midst of work, they ask themselves why they do what they do. Ofcourse there are various reasons, kids to support, things to buy and a lifestyle to maintain. Compromises and sacrifices have to be made somewhere.

Or is it better to be doing something that you love, not just something you like, something you love. A job would stop being a job once it has stopped becoming a burden at least that what people say. Imagine waking up in the morning and looking forward to going to work. The passion that you have for something almost certainly guarantees that you will do your best. But what if it pays less? Has less benefits? What if it cannot sustain the lifestyle previously enjoyed? What if you love your job but you love your kids more and you can't stand to see them starving because you can't afford to buy what they need, not want, need.

Maybe some enlightenment will come to all those uncertain people in one form or the other, may it be through the horoscope, tarrot cards, span mail, a friend's advice or a eureka moment in the toilet.

...

I wonder how much a hut on the beach with a toilet and shower will cost? Maybe a hut on a mountain is better? Just to get away from the city. It really does choke you. The city may throb with life, whether day or night yet there is a certain aspect of the urban environment that appears dead. Could it be the lack of trees? The crammped and limited space filled with society's waste and garbage? Or the desperate look in the eyes of some people that can only be seen in the various sprawling metropolis' in the world since the first cities?

Every day people die violent deaths in this city. Everyday more and more people lose hope and everyday more and more people go crazy for numerous reasons citing hunger, poverty and pain as just a few of these. I guess it does goes to show that being so far away from mother nature turns human into animals.

Would it be escapism to leave and is it wrong to want to just up and leave? How many people, if given the chance, would want to leave the cities and live less technological lives in the countryside May it be the sandy beaches, the now partly-tree-covered mountains or the sprawling plains? Would we as city dwellers be able to adapt to a lifestyle without cable television, internet access, reserved seating movie houses, wi-fi hotspots, starbucks and various convenience stores, clubs and bars as we know it and shopping malls?

If we had to, would a life lived under clear skies and sparkling stars be considered an upgrade or a downgrade from what we have so far?

Admiring the surroundings

Having the oppurtunity to stop and look around is always something to be treasured. These moments are few and far between. Its like recess in grade school. One of a student's most favorite part of the day. That brief respite from teachers and tables and books and blackboards. Life on the other hand does not hand us a definite schedule of breaks and rest periods, rather the moments are unexpected.

At the moment the warring sides in my head have declared a ceasefire or rather a detente. Upon reaching a stalemate I have been given a brief respite from near insanity and oh how wonderful it is to be lucid once more. I have no clue how long this period may last all I know is that atleast for now I have control over myself and my actions, albiet my self confidence is at a rather low point.

These moments prepare us for what may lie ahead. It is not the calm before the storm, it does not feel like such. It must be nature's way of saying I really need to rethink everything. Forgive my rambling dear reader for I wish to express myself now as I may never have the oppurtunity to do so again.

To step down or to go back up

Once the choice to decend into anything has been made, it is often possible to return to where one was initially. Unless it involves something deeper, more personal a choice than say going through the bedroom door and going back out. Certain things have thresholds that once crossed makes it impossible reverse, clothes worn can be changed at the last moment, meals ordered can be revised at one's convience and items bought can sometimes even be returned and exchanged for others and you may even get your money back.

Unfortunately the same cannot be said for matters dealing with those "cross-road-ish", life-changing decisions. a step taken in a direction can never be reversed, not entirely, as it leaves its mark on a person. Our choices indeed make us who we are. Is there such a thing as a good choice or a bad choice or are choices like luck, something neither good nor bad, just something present and needs to be accepted?

I long for a return to more uncomplicated times but don't we all? Do we not often remember our youth with a quiet smile accompanied by pleasant thoughts? Maybe not everyone feels the same yet it is undeniable that ignorance or should I say innocence is bliss. We mature so much that we are actually capable to making our own problems, we are so advanced and bored that we make difficult situations that only we can manage to solve. Not only is it a personal crisis, when we drag our dearest friends and family into it, we actually manage to spread the misery around.

I only wish for the strength to accept my decisions and live with my choices. I pray that I may stand ready to accept the consequences of my actions, to stand tall and to take it like a human being (or certain animals that nanage to stand on their hind legs for extended periods of time), standing up. I feel that at this moment time has stopped, i'm frozen in a picture or paused amidst a scene. The result of my actions will eventually come rushing towards me at stupendous speeds and they'll hit me like a frieght train on steroids but better that than to spend an etenity of indecision.

I would not return to the way it was even if I could. I know, with certainty, that there would be only one thing waiting for me there: The lonesome memory of the past.

The light's gone out

I thought the way down would come quickly and I could see every painful step I take towards the bottom. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) The light gone out completely. I keep hoping that with every step my foot touches the solid planks that hold my life together yet the longer I walk, the more unsure I am.

I believed that everything in my existence atleast had some semblance of order, no matter how confusing it may be. Recently my opinion on the matter has taken a significantly different path. I see no rhyme or reason for all recent events in my seemingly insignificant and often futile existence. Makes me wonder how, if there was such a thing as fate, if it was a true living entity and not an abstract concept, it can keep track of a single individual not even capable of making a quarter of a ripple in the ocean of creation.

If employment did not always mean survival in an urban jungle then I wouldn't have to go through the long and painful process of working to earn currency of which we will use to not only satisfy our own basic needs but to bring us happiness. Its sad, just sad...